Hello, Maria
Self Portrait in Robe—Pastel on Paper, Cincinnati, OH, 1997
Yay! You’re still painting
The more I paint (and continue to try to paint), I realize that painting is mostly about memory. Depending on who you are, you might think you are trying to remember a better time, a happier place, or a future destination. Most likely all of these reflections are correct and are probably overlapping to some extent. My best paintings, I think, are attempts to remember my better self, a confident happy woman that I mostly am.
I open my email and find the following inbox note from a mysterious, almost friend, who came to my student show a gazillion years ago and saw a painting that she liked and bought. Here is her message:
“Hello Maria, I have a painting of yours I purchased at a student show at the Art Academy. I have looked at it and loved it all these years. Thought you would like to know that.”
Gina reached out to me through my website (designed and launched during the messy lockdown days, stuck in the tiniest corner in the kitchen of our 1-bedroom apartment in Oakland). When I read the message, I had the faintest glimmer of a memory, like a quick spark in my mind, of which painting she could have purchased. I remember building the frame and ordering glass, floating this large pastel drawing on a board, good quality stuff, since I was also minoring in Museum Studies at the Art Academy of Cincinnati at that time and had an interest in making items that would last a good many years (and have). Here is my response:
“Hi Gina, Yes, I am still painting. That’s incredible that you were there at the very beginning and still were curious through now. Love it! You can follow me on Insta to see what I’ve been up to and where I go next. @mariaptuttle_artist. I also give outdoor painting and sketching classes here in the Bay. So curious to know which painting you purchased. I have a guess, but wondering if you wouldn’t mind sending me a pic. Have to say your sweet note made my day and week. Hope you are well.”
Waiting for Gina to respond, thinking that most likely she would not, I pictured the painting that I was thinking of and wondered, Was it the self-portrait I did of myself, near around 21 or 22? It could have been. Might have been. I had gone to my hometown museum–Cincinnati Art Museum–to look at one of Jim Dine’s iconic Robe drawings. In the hubris and possessing the audacious ego of youth, I thought I could make a drawing just like Dine’s, except place myself there too, in the strong and powerful robe that I admired in this drawing. When I am centered and calm, I can create in a flash of time (2 hours is like 1 minute to me). I remember that flash in which I produced this painting, and all of the lovely cadmium red pastel that I used up on my kitchen floor of my long-ago student apartment near my school and overlooking a parking lot. Here is her new message to me, finally telling me which drawing:
“Hello Maria, I hope you find delight in seeing this piece again. It is so wonderful that you have continued on your creative path and continue to make the world a better place through your art.”
Self-portrait that Gina purchased and enjoys to this day.
That’s me! I think when I see the image attached to the email note. I was also relieved that I can share with Gina that I am still painting after all of these years. Her validation is legitimate. I confess that there are days when I consider ‘retiring’ from my art, but luckily no matter how discouraged I become I am still on a creative path. Her message to me is very dear because I am reminded of my younger and stronger self. I am reminded that I am seeking a better version of what I am confronted with–all the imperfections, weaknesses, failures, and let downs, and self-doubt. In other words, no matter what may come, Yay! I am still painting!